Retro Review - Star Fox 64

Editor’s note: I originally authored and published the below post on a now defunct site called “The Cool Ship,” where it ran in December 2011. Enjoy this reprised content!

The evil emperor Andross is up to his old tricks again, just in time for the holidays. Can Starfox and his loyal troops save the galaxy from peril in time for me to wrap Christmas presents? Ok so that’s not exactly the story behind Starfox 64, but it could have been right?

Summary

This game rumbled more than WWE Smackdown 64 (credit: vgmuseum.com)

In fact, Starfox is about saving the galaxy from certain doom perpetrated by an evil emperor whose name reminds me of a smartphone. Sadly, he doesn’t give out free ice cream to anyone. I suppose that fits his nature as an evil emperor, he has a reputation to uphold. After playing a few levels I am convinced Andross is one with the dark side. His levels are somehow beyond difficult for me and decadently frustrating.

I am a very patient gamer and I’ve put up with frustrating crap in my time: trying to beat Darth Malak as a scoundrel class in Knights of the Old Republic, constant crashing and losing saved games in Fallout 3, lots of racing games with boring career progression just to unlock new cars, and Star Wars: The Force Unleashed (nuff said). Starfox doesn’t invoke a fit of controller gnashing rage, but it is frustratingly hard on many different levels.

First of all, the controls are genius. If I had the IQ of a monkey I’m sure I could relate to them, but my last free online IQ test rated me a 43 so there’s a lot of empty space between my ears. Speaking of space, that’s one of the areas Starfox pilots his Arwing fighter to eliminate the menagerie of robotic enemies, not to mention the planetside assaults with both linear and open environments to explore and destroy.

This game is hard (credit: icanhascheezburger.com)

Part of the difficulty of the controls comes from the speed you have to learn them. Games were growing up a lot during the N64 era, and the controller was a lot more difficult to learn than Super Nintendo or Genesis controllers. More buttons and an analog stick brought new concepts to learn and master. Some games utilized the buttons fully: Starfox I’m talking about you. The first two levels attempt to teach you the buttons for basic and advanced maneuvering, but the tutorials flashed so briefly on the screen I never had a chance to hide them in my heart. This made my heart sad.

I almost let my frustration get the better of me. How can I talk about Starfox without talking about the characters? This is an outrage, someone should fire me now. You play as Fox McCloud, who is aptly named since he is a talking fox with the ability to fly in the clouds. Naturally, his wingmen are also talking animals. What universe were you thinking of? The one where humans talk and fly Arwings to kill crazy droid emperors? Reality check, this is a Nintendo game.

The nostalgic perspective

I seldom played this game when it first came out due to limited access and similar feelings of a steep learning curve. I wanted to like it back then, but I could never beat more than five levels without getting bored or frustrated. Most of my friends loved the game though, and they talked about it like they could actually beat it. It’s for that reason that I believe I’m the exception here. If I put on my young kid glasses and objectively analyze Starfox 64, I find little to no fault in the game. The graphics, animation, cinematics, gameplay, character depth, pacing, level design, scale, the sheer fun—all are within acceptable parameters.

When I first saw Starfox 64 in action, it reminded me of Wing Commander for PC, which is a space shooter sim set in the future. Starfox raised the bar by taking the action planetside and sequencing events like massive support columns falling in Starfox’s path or huge asteroids closing in like a chintzy movie scene where the characters get through the door ‘just in time’ (Indiana Jones anyone?). All this happens while crazy robots attack from all three dimensions and your dumb wingmen helplessly fart around begging for you to kill everyone except them. If you ‘chance’ to hit one of them: “WHAT ARE YOU DOING STARFOX?!”

Well Slippy, I’m shooting your Arwing because you so deftly flew it directly in my line of fire, and I don’t have the patience or dexterity of thumb to alter my fire to hit only hostiles. Might you try flying next to me like a good little wingtoad?

In all seriousness, the game had a way of making you care slightly about the characters. The between level and before boss fight cinematics gave you insight to the proficiencies and traits of Slippy the toad, Peppy the hare, and Falco the falcon. The story and levels progressed cohesively and you could tackle missions with higher difficulty if you had the skill, which I never did. With each boss battle the tension builds toward the final confrontation with Andross. There weren’t a lot of games around back then with this kind of depth.

The now perspective

Now I play it and it happens just like it did back then, I suck at this game. Aren’t we supposed to develop new neural connections and open up pathways in the brain that make us smarter as we get older? What happened with me? I seem to have just gotten worse. Well ignore my stupidity for a moment and reflect on this, if you enjoyed Starfox back when you were young, you will still enjoy it today. I might even go as far as to say you need to play it again.

I think we should all learn to play Starfox and defeat Andross, and here is why. Andross was supposedly defeated twice in the history of the Starfox series and each time he was simply left as a weakened spirit. Doesn’t anyone besides me see that Andross is alive and well, and he plans to take over the world using new devices called Android smart phones? When are we all going to wake up and realize that Apple iPhones are the devices of the light side, and we must fight Android to defeat the spirit of Andross once and for all?

I fear we will be too late to save our galaxy, and General Pepper will again have to call on the mercenary heroes called the Starfox team to rid the world of Andross and his latest genetic experiments.

The final verdict

To play or not to play? Yes. Play. Get some friends to play too, it’s even more fun with four people in arena deathmatch.

Does the game hold its own in our modern era of educated gamers with long lists of games they’ve beaten? Yes. It does.

As it usually does, simplicity in the elements that matter makes this game fun beyond its years. I would recommend you buy an N64 and this game just to experience it either again or for the first time. There’s something magical about a game like Starfox 64 that keeps you coming back to play after the game over screen. Maybe it’s the bizarre characters or the perfect flight controls, or possibly the convincing evilness of Andross himself (may he live forever), either way you are missing out if you skip this title.

Put it on your bucket list.

There is a Wii version on the Wii store but last time I tried to access it the store was under maintenance so I can’t tell you much more about it. I think it costs $10 or 1000 ish Wii points. Happy hunting.